I have contemplated sharing my journey with anxiety for a long time. I think I have put it off due to not knowing how to say it right, as well as being scared of the judgement and not being sure of how it will come across…
But here it is, time to be brave and admit that for me anxiety is a daily battle. A battle that some days I feel I can conquer and others where I miserably fail. On my bad days, I struggle with social anxiety so bad that it feels excruciating to leave the house and show my face. I fear people talking to me and need to talk myself into getting out of the car. On these days, I feel an overwhelming sense of not being good enough, not knowing the right things to say and the sense that everyone is judging me and feeling extremely low self-worth. The funny thing is that I feel like a lot of people wouldn’t know my struggles at all… other than me sometimes going on hiatus and not being seen for a while at times. I am the type of person who puts on a very confident and out there kind of face. I am not completely sure why I do this… I think it might be because the happy Emma-Kate has a very bubbly personality and so I just keep pushing to be that person – even when I am really struggling.
Now it is one thing to struggle with this as an individual – but a whole other thing when you are a mum of children who need to be taken to school, kindergarten and extra curricular activities… The guilt I feel for knowing that some days I struggle or physically can’t function as I feel they deserve eats me up and makes me feel worse.
I feel super blessed to have an amazing husband – who although he has never struggled with anxiety, tries his very best to be supportive and understanding of what I go through. My children and I are so lucky to have such a strong role model and a dedicated one at that! He keeps me grounded and helps pick up the slack on my harder days, he also encourages me to step out of my comfort zone at times and generally it is what I need!
I think the most important thing to try and remember if you are an anxiety sufferer, is that there are quite a lot of others out there feeling the same way. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not alone and that each day is a NEW day. Also, there is no shame in reaching out for help, sometimes we all need someone to talk to – especially someone who isn’t so close to your situation. I know myself that sometimes just talking to someone and sharing what is going on can be a huge weight off of my shoulders. It can be a time to look forward to getting my feelings out and not feeling like I’m being a burden to my nearest and dearest. Also, there is absolutely no shame in being on medication if you need it, sometimes we just need a little help in getting through the day. I am not a medical professional, but I would encourage you to reach out to your GP if you feel you need a helping hand and are struggling to cope.
Ok so now it is out there… please be kind. Understand that this is simply my journey. I am not trying to gain sympathy or a pat on the back. Just a regular mum taking the step to be real and honest. This is an ongoing journey for me and I would love to hear some of your stories and to be of any support I can.
I think it is high time that the topic of anxiety be less taboo. We should all be able to speak openly and freely about it and support one another on this crazy ride that we call life!
P.S – is there anything else about my journey you would like me to share? Please let me know in the comments.